Gone is the Veil

I'm sitting here and I am wondering when it was that I lost myself. I'm trying to pinpoint the moment I knew that the last of me was gone. I try to visualize myself as a whole and then allow myself to slip backwards into my many memories and see the pieces fall away until nothing is left. I realize that there were times, moments in my existence that a teeny-weeny part fell off and then there were those life defining moments when I'd see a huge chunk disappear all at once.

I sit quietly and I continue watching myself dwindle until there is nothing left. Nothing. Not the tiniest shred of the me I used to be. I sit silent and a great sadness fills me. I wonder what it is that I have to offer, I wonder what will become of the person I have to build back up? I wonder how long the journey will be?

My mind begins to drift to deep, dark places. It drifts to voids, to hurt, to sorrow, to the grief and helplessness that often seems to plague my heart. With the veil of the self I once was lost to the many things I have suffered and over come in my nearly 31 years, I wonder if what is lying beneath is worth anything at all?